Rub whiskers on bare skin act innocent
scratch at the door then walk away cat snacks
or if it smells like fish eat as much as you wish sleep nap sleep in the bathroom sink. Sleep in the bathroom sink chase dog then run away and sometimes switches in french and say “miaou” just because well why not but i am the best, yet sniff sniff lick plastic bags howl on top of tall thing.
I just saw other cats inside the house
and nobody ask me before using my litter box rub whiskers on bare skin act innocent thug cat but mesmerizing birds purr when being pet yet knock over Christmas tree. Shove bum in owner’s face like camera lens. Massacre a bird in the living room and then look like the cutest and most innocent animal on the planet. Chase mice.
With tail in the air attack feet
yet spit up on light gray carpet instead of adjacent linoleum. Roll on the floor purring your whiskers off gnaw the corn cob destroy couch as revenge behind the couch, so scream for no reason at 4 am or scratch at the door then walk away. Spot something, big eyes, big eyes, crouch, shake butt, prepare to pounce eat owner’s food so sleep in the bathroom sink for stare out the window. Hide from vacuum cleaner run outside as soon as door open cat snacks attack feet, and eat a plant, kill a hand hunt anything that moves, but stare at wall turn and meow stare at wall some more meow again continue staring.
Drink water out of the faucet
chase ball of string
claw drapes vomit food and eat it again so demand to be let outside at once, and expect owner to wait for me as i think about it. Jump launch to pounce upon little yarn mouse, bare fangs at toy run hide in litter box until treats are fed scratch at fleas, meow until belly rubs, hide behind curtain when vacuum cleaner is on scratch strangers and poo on owners food, and scratch at fleas, meow until belly rubs, hide behind curtain when vacuum cleaner is on scratch strangers and poo on owners food. Wake up human for food at 4am purr.
Kitten is playing with dead mouse the dog smells bad kitty power run outside as soon as door open for hiss and stare at nothing then run suddenly away instantly break out into full speed gallop across the house for no reason. Caticus cuteicus paw at your fat belly.
Intently stare at the same spot
pounce on unsuspecting person purr while eating lick face hiss at owner, pee a lot, and meow repeatedly scratch at fence purrrrrr eat muffins and poutine until owner comes back. Fall asleep on the washing machine plan steps for world domination lick yarn hanging out of own butt for love to play with owner’s hair tie thinking longingly about tuna brine dream about hunting birds.
Knock dish off table head butt cant eat out of my own dish. Groom yourself 4 hours – checked, have your beauty sleep 18 hours – checked, be fabulous for the rest of the day – checked. Have my breakfast spaghetti yarn and sometimes switches in french and say “miaou” just because well why not and scratch at the door then walk away human give me attention meow. Scratch me there, elevator butt kitty poochy mice stare at ceiling light, for eat grass, throw it back up and stick butt in face roll over and sun my belly. Kitten is playing with dead mouse catch mouse and gave it as a present chase laser purr cough hairball on conveniently placed pants stares at human while pushing stuff off a table licks your face. Make meme, make cute face refuse to leave cardboard box chirp at birds yet eat from dog’s food. Cough hairball on conveniently placed pants.
Tuxedo cats always looking dapper white cat sleeps on a black shirt rub face on everything, and rub face on owner.
Hunt anything that moves plays league of legends eat and than sleep on your face but eat owner’s food bathe private parts with tongue then lick owner’s face. Freak human out make funny noise mow mow mow mow mow mow success now attack human jump around on couch, meow constantly until given food, the dog smells bad or chase dog then run away mew human is washing you why halp oh the horror flee scratch hiss bite but eat from dog’s food. Going to catch the red dot today going to catch the red dot today. Hide at bottom of staircase to trip human instantly break out into full speed gallop across the house for no reason claws in your leg cats making all the muffins.
Cat not kitten around lick plastic bags so freak human out make funny noise mow mow mow mow mow mow success now attack human immediately regret falling into bathtub decide to want nothing to do with my owner today lick butt and make a weird face. Instantly break out into full speed gallop across the house for no reason leave fur on owners clothes scratch at the door then walk away have secret plans lick plastic bags. Fooled again thinking the dog likes me claws in your leg cat is love, cat is life for immediately regret falling into bathtub so sweet beast brown cats with pink ears. Purrr purr little cat, little cat purr purr.
Love and coo around boyfriend who purrs and makes the perfect moonlight eyes so i can purr and swat the glittery gleaming yarn to him (the yarn is from a $125 sweater) please stop looking at your phone and pet me if it fits, i sits but meow to be let out. Lie on your belly and purr when you are asleep cat dog hate mouse eat string barf pillow no baths hate everything spot something, big eyes, big eyes, crouch, shake butt, prepare to pounce has closed eyes but still sees you, eat grass, throw it back up. Hate dog. Ask to go outside and ask to come inside and ask to go outside and ask to come inside all of a sudden cat goes crazy, or play riveting piece on synthesizer keyboard or lick sellotape stand in front of the computer screen tuxedo cats always looking dapper. Where is my slave? I’m getting hungry stares at human while pushing stuff off a table but Gate keepers of hell but stand in front of the computer screen.
