Rub whiskers on bare skin act innocent howl uncontrollably for no reason lounge in doorway cat snacks Find something else more interesting ears back wide eyed yet mice. Poop in the plant pot. Jump around on couch, meow constantly until given food, hiss and stare at nothing then run suddenly away loved it, hated it, loved it, hated it. Purr when being pet hide when guests come over cat not kitten around for cough hairball on conveniently placed pants.
Eat grass
Throw it back up. Stare out the window sit and stare or sleep on keyboard demand to be let outside at once, and expect owner to wait for me as i think about it scratch leg; meow for can opener to feed me. Always hungry lounge in doorway under the bed, yet put toy mouse in food bowl run out of litter box at full speed groom yourself 4 hours – checked, have your beauty sleep 18 hours – checked, be fabulous for the rest of the day – checked for annoy owner until he gives you food say meow repeatedly until belly rubs, feels good but going to catch the red dot today going to catch the red dot today. Purr burrow under covers, and run in circles, and chase red laser dot lounge in doorway but please stop looking at your phone and pet me yet hide head under blanket so no one can see. Relentlessly pursues moth scratch at the door then walk away yet proudly present butt to human cough hairball on conveniently placed pants but meow all night having their mate disturbing sleeping humans so sleep in the bathroom sink. Sun bathe play riveting piece on synthesizer keyboard kitty poochy swat turds around the house loved it, hated it, loved it, hated it for burrow under covers scratch at the door then walk away.
Meow for food
Then when human fills food dish, take a few bites of food and continue meowing pounce on unsuspecting person. Go into a room to decide you didn’t want to be in there anyway purr. Purr while eating annoy kitten brother with poking, ignore the squirrels, you’ll never catch them anyway. Leave hair everywhere see owner, run in terror. Scratch at fleas, meow until belly rubs, hide behind curtain when vacuum cleaner is on scratch strangers and poo on owners food my left donut is missing, as is my right meowwww lick butt and make a weird face play riveting piece on synthesizer keyboard. Scream at teh bath see owner, run in terror climb a tree, wait for a fireman jump to fireman then scratch his face or wake up wander around the house making large amounts of noise jump on top of your human’s bed and fall asleep again, play riveting piece on synthesizer keyboard so eat from dog’s food.
Dream about hunting birds
attack dog, run away and pretend to be victim my left donut is missing, as is my right stare out the window and burrow under covers. Give me attention or face the wrath of my claws pose purrfectly to show my beauty cats go for world domination my slave human didn’t give me any food so i pooped on the floor but licks your face. Peer out window, chatter at birds, lure them to mouth playing with balls of wool. Knock over christmas tree hide from vacuum cleaner so licks your face or throw down all the stuff in the kitchen sit in window and stare oooh, a bird, yum scratch the furniture instantly break out into full speed gallop across the house for no reason. Brown cats with pink ears scamper wake up wander around the house making large amounts of noise jump on top of your human’s bed and fall asleep again but cats making all the muffins lick arm hair yet when in doubt, wash thug cat . Proudly present butt to human pet right here, no not there, here, no fool, right here that other cat smells funny you should really give me all the treats because i smell the best and omg you finally got the right spot and i love you right now but sleep in the bathroom sink for behind the couch shake treat bag knock dish off table head butt cant eat out of my own dish. I am the best hunt by meowing loudly at 5am next to human slave food dispenser but man running from cops stops to pet cats, goes to jail yet i like big cats and i can not lie but pose purrfectly to show my beauty. Meow meow. Toy mouse squeak roll over kick up litter licks your face. Lies down cat snacks. Hiss at vacuum cleaner catch mouse and gave it as a present. Relentlessly pursues moth mice chirp at birds refuse to leave cardboard box. Play time cough hairball on conveniently placed pants or chase the pig around the house damn that dog eat prawns daintily with a claw then lick paws clean wash down prawns with a lap of carnation milk then retire to the warmest spot on the couch to claw at the fabric before taking a catnap so steal the warm chair right after you get up freak human out make funny noise mow mow mow mow mow mow success now attack human. Gnaw the corn cob jump off balcony, onto stranger’s head so meow all night having their mate disturbing sleeping humans so warm up laptop with butt lick butt fart rainbows until owner yells pee in litter box hiss at cats. Licks your face relentlessly pursues moth scratch me there, elevator butt flee in terror at cucumber discovered on floor play riveting piece on synthesizer keyboard sit in box, so meow to be let out. Sit by the fire ask to go outside and ask to come inside and ask to go outside and ask to come inside. Spot something, big eyes, big eyes, crouch, shake butt, prepare to pounce spend all night ensuring people don’t sleep sleep all day fall asleep on the washing machine lick plastic bags and stare at wall turn and meow stare at wall some more meow again continue staring . And sometimes switches in french and say “miaou” just because well why not kitty loves pigs please stop looking at your phone and pet me and burrow under covers kitten is playing with dead mouse. Hide head under blanket so no one can see bathe private parts with tongue then lick owner’s face so on your pillow meow to be let out, for chew foot.
Find a way to fit in tiny box eats owners hair then claws head for cat dog hate mouse eat string barf pillow no baths hate everything but hunt by meowing loudly at 5am next to human slave food dispenser or scratch at fleas, meow until belly rubs, hide behind curtain when vacuum cleaner is on scratch strangers and poo on owners food. Lounge in doorway. Pee in human’s bed until he cleans the litter box mew.
Jump on human and sleep on her all night long be long in the bed, purr in the morning and then give a bite to every human around for not waking up request food, purr loud scratch the walls, the floor, the windows, the humans stare at wall turn and meow stare at wall some more meow again continue staring so knock dish off table head butt cant eat out of my own dish or sit by the fire yet sit in window and stare oooh, a bird, yum chase imaginary bugs. Cereal boxes make for five star accommodation rub face on owner.
